I hate parties. Let me define parties. The large gathering of people that are around the same age as you and usually are centered around lack luster occasions. The ones where everyone puts on store bought smile and small talk is made amongst the peers that you know best within the mass of people. Hate em. Nothing could ever feel so fake to me. No I don't want to meet anyone new in such an environment. No I don't want to pretend to either.
I'm just not the type of person who likes that kind of thing. I get mildly annoyed that having such a "sour" attitude is considered a bad characteristic. Not like I can help it. I will never be comfortable in such a situation. I will never be able to cut loose and be myself. I'm not even going to apologize for it anymore.
I love family gatherings, I love Monday Night Football, I love hanging with my boys, I love chilling with a small group of people.
Most of all I love sitting at home in my room where I don't have to feel self conscious. Where I don't have to be smart, be attractive, be funny, be happy. Where I can look like shit and feel like shit and be okay with it.
Screw Halloween. Screw these lack luster holidays which have lost their sense of wonder before I was ever really able to appreciate them. Screw married kids at my age when I can't have it. Screw professors who can wipe out all my confidence without a second thought about it. Screw having no direction. Screw success.
Give me time to just be me for a while, please?
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3 comments:
Jason, I knew you were a favorite for a reason. Thanks for saying what's been on my mind. You don't need them, and taking time to be you is fantastic. OK, now I'm just rambling and tired. Basically- nice work, friend.
I wouldn't want you to be anyone but you Jason. You're fine. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling and thinking the way you do. Learn to forget about being co-dependent on other people's opinions of you. And I say that because it's the exact same thing I struggle with, so I can relate.
In the end most of those people would wish they had your courage to be yourself while they're trying to fit in anyway. ;)
Thanks guys, that was much needed. <3 you both.
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