I can help you, I'm in retail.

Despite my best efforts to avoid it.... I've fallen in love with the song Airplanes by B.O.B. The music and B.O.B breaking down a rap is a great combination. I could do without Hayley singing... maybe just stand there and look pretty please?

"I could use a dream or a genie or a wish, to go back to a place much simplier than this. Cause after all the partyin, the smashin and crashin, and all the cliques, the glam, the fashion, and all the pandemonium, the madness, there comes a time when you fade into the blackness....."

Apparently size does matter. While examining a box of condoms (a wedding prank for our friend's car) my buddies were approached by an attractive female who claimed she could help them because she worked in retail. I arrived soon after to find an amusing and awkward conversation about buying them in bulk. Who knew all you had to do was hang out in the contraceptive aisle of Walmart to get chicks?

I'd crack a joke about being well endowed now but we all know that would be a filthy lie, so I'll just smile awkwardly and change the subject.

I'm going to openly admit something.... I love Tom Cruise.... as an actor. I don't know why everyone hates him so much. I think he is rather talented and has produced some very good movies. I saw Knight and Day, his latest film with Cameron Diaz and found it to be pretty witty and a good way to kill 2 hours. Maybe I'm not cultured when it comes to movies? I dunno. That being said, the real Tom Cruise is a douche. Funny how that combination springs up alot in famous people.

What else can I say? I'm on my 5th prestige on Call of Duty:MW2. Yea i'm that nerd. I just wanted to brag. Pathetic? You betcha. I can still kick your ass though.

Eh, I'll shut up. If you need me I'll be picking up chicks in the condom aisle of Walmart.

Relief

Many religions preach an afterlife. Some sort of being after this mortality. Reincarnation, some sort of divinity, or a paradise; it's all the same. Mostly it gives us comfort. A reason to persevere


I'm starting to realize that the only comforting thing about this mortality is that upon death.....we might finally be able to feel relief. Why complicate something that simple with another life?

Finals night!

I want.... to find a journal from the 1800s, maybe even earlier, hell anything from the 1800s and back. I want to find just one journal entry that says something along the lines. "Woke up, pissed, did some shit, deficated, went to bed." I just want to know that 100s of years ago, there was some wiseass that I could relate to. Seriously, how awesome would that be though?

Maybe a cave painting: Dawn (picture of sun), Kill deer (spear through animal), Poop (pile of something), Sunset (setting sun).

I have too much time on my hands, this is the stuff I think about.



So the semester is over.....summer break. Well I actually have one more final tomorrow but I'm not to worried about it. WHy any teacher would mention that all the tests are open note/book is beyond me. I didn't pay attention a bit in this science class. If school has taught me anything, it's finding out much i can get away with NOT doing things and still succeeding, rather than actually put any effort into something. If our future is based on a numerous amount of people like me, I might be inclined to be a little worried about our future. I just hope the damage we cause actually doesn't have backlash until I'm too old to care/notice. I'm an awful person.

Side note: The double down sandwich at KFC......is shit. Seriously, there haven't been very many moments where i've put something with so much meat and bacon in my mouth that I've been seriously let down..... but just steer clear of it. It'll kill you quickly and it won't even taste good. Tasted so bad my ass still can't get the flavor out of it.

There really isn't a point to this entry. I just haven't written in a while, and rather than go to bed so i can be well rested for my final.... I am killing time.

Screw it. Night

Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?

Shiiiiiiiit.

Sometimes I forget that the vision of myself I have in my head isn't nearly as realistic as the image in the mirror is. I swear to God that if I don't continuely remind myself that I'm really not as badass as my ego tells me I am, I could end up being one of those people..... You know, they are the ones that end up on American Idol's first episodes. Not the good ones, the ones who think they sound like Bing Crosby or Christina Aguilara and belt the music in a screechy tone that can only be appealing to bats or mythological creatures (here's lookin at you Hypogriffs).

Reality check.

I'm awesome, but I can't jump buildings in a single bound. Nor can I walk into Prison lunchroom and proceed to roundhouse kick the F*** out of every inmate in the joint. My romances aren't identical to Romeo's ( I can't woo a woman and have us both married/dead within a week, though I sure do feel thtey are that dramatic).

Side note: SUCK IT AMERICA, healthcare reform passed. Consider all your freedoms bitch slapped with a side of Federal regulation. I hope somewhere, that Sarah Palin has morphed into a she-wolf and is running the Alaskan country side hunting fresh moose meat. Good Hell she's annoying.

Where was I? Oh right, I can't despite my wildest imaginations nail Kate Beckinsale and Jennifer Aniston in the same night (beleive me, I've tried. Even in my dreams they tell me to get lost). Hell, I can't even find Carmen San Diego? (I always thought Venice was in Europe, who the hell knew she'd be hiding in the Utah one? What? You didn't know there was a Venice, Utah? Sucka! Look it up). Who do you think is the better hide and seek player? Osama Bin Laden or Waldo?

Seriously, Where the Hell is Osama? Think about it. We can split the Atom but we can't find the jackass who was in charge of flying airplanes into the Trade Centers? Someone needs to kick his ass and soon.

I can't even lick my elbow. I've tried multiple times, especially, after recieving those retarded surveys and chain letters that mention it. I'd love to find the guy that can though. I'm sure when he goes to sleep at night he feels vindicated with the fact that he can freakin do it (I suppose it could be a woman, I'd like to think that she would be too classy to ever know if she could or not though).

In conclusion, I haven't even caught every Pokemon, Ash wins.

Reality Check. I'm still freakin amazing, so deal with it.

P.S. Kiss my ass Bob Saget. You know why

Monarch Butterflies

Every third generation of Monarch butterflies live triple the life of a normal Monarch butterfly. They attempt an amazing journey from Canada across the U.S. and into Mexico. Researchers aren't sure why this generation exists. With their 9 month lives the are able to spand a distance that is hundreds of miles long. They return to a place they've never been or never seen, driven by some inherent idea. This is what I learn when I stay up late and watch NOVA.

Random much? Yes. Deal with it. Still though, how badass is nature? The answer is very.

A delicate creature can make a trek that far without even knowing where it's going. Wtf is our excuse then?

Facial Hair, My wall

The hair trimmer buzzes softly before you switch it off. Mounds and strands of hair are cluttered around the bathroom counter, you never thought you had so much of it till you see it thrown around like this. You look up into the mirror and see a new face. One you haven't seen in years. The white skin around your chin and side burns are like remenants of skin left under a band aid for too long. Discolored, soggy, sickly looking. Yet, healing took place underneath. It's a lousey metaphor but it works.

There is something more to it though. It's terrifying to see yourself in that new light. It's a new face haunted by such old memories. Inadequacy, failure, despair. It's almost as if a wall has been torn down. The moat around your castle is filled with sand..... Suddenly, you're vulnerable.

I hate vulnerablity, hate change. I want the band aid back. I want my security blanket. I want to be locked away safe from the world. That's what i want, and no amount of advice or conversation can change it.

Nots

Inspired my good friend Carolina, I thought I would attempt an entry like her. Posting my nots.
What are you not?

I am not despite my best efforts everything I desire to be. I am not perfect. I do not desire to be perfect. I do not desire to be more than myself. I am not a bad person either. I am not a personw ithout values and morals. I do not always meet them. I do not conform to others expectations. I am not caught up in myself. I do not go easy on myself. I do not give myself the credit I deserve for being the quality invididual I am.

I am not very goodlooking. I am not a rugged supermodel. I do not have amazing taste in clothes. I am not ugly. I am not skinny, though, I am not obese. I do not deserve to be examined once and found not fit to date. I do not deserve to be examined by my appearances. I do not deserve to be treated as a shell. I do not want to be a painted face. I do not want to care so much about my apperance despite feeling it necessary. I will not be cut out of a mold.

I do not get as depressed as I try to make it seem. I do not get as happy either. I am not as rational as I wish I was. I do not want to totally eliminate or let my emotions have control of me either. I do not want either extreme. I do not want to be thought stupid. I do not want to go through life having not been well read.

I do not doubt the existence of God. Nor do I believe that grace will save me. I do not believe that God labels people. I do not believe because a person views God differently that I should feel threatened. I do not believe that world peace is such a far fetched idea. I do not believe that we cannot over come our differences. I do not believe that his being gay, or her being Muslim, should matter more than a simply observation. I do not believe that my being LDS hinders me in anyway from experiencing the real world. I do not believe that labels matter, except the ones we give ourselves.

I am not a jock, a nerd, a gamer, a reader, a dreamer, a rationalist, a pessimist, an optimist, a romantic, but, I also am. I am not a single personality but rather a multitude of chaotic passions. I am not what the passions make me. I am not the sum of their parts.

I am not strong. I am not weak. I am not scared. I am not at peace. I am not a liberal. I am not a conservative. I am not capitalist. I am not a socialist. I am neither here, nor there. I am not any extremes.

I am not sure where I am going. I do not know how i feel about this. I do not like rules but I do not like chaos either. I do not like feeling alone despite knowing I am surrounded by lots of people who love me. I do not like knowing that there are others out there who feel this way as well. I do not like knowing I cannot change this. I do not like being told what I can or can't do. I do not plan on ever being content.

I do not hate. I do not trust anyone easily. I do not like being open so I build walls. I do not like sharing problems with people I know, but I am perfectly fine with sharing them with strangers. I do not show restraint when it comes to love. I do not know when it's too much or too little. I do not know when to hold a grudge or when to let it go. I do not like to fight but i do not like backing down.

Most of all I do not, do not, cannot, will not, am not planning on changing myself for anyone or anything.

"A man, as a general rule, owes very little to what he is born with - a man is what he makes of himself." -Alexander Graham Bell