I AM AMERICAN AND YOU CAN ALSO!

I had the chance to watch Obama's informercial tonight on youtbe after work. Many may know that I will be voting for Obama on Nov 4th (hate me if you must but i dig the dudes style). This isn't an endoresment for Obama though, rather, it stirred something in me that I haven't felt since 9.11.

I love America. I truely do. It isn't perfect but perhaps that is what i love most about it. It is flawed but only because people are flawed. That is why i love America, it is a land of the people. Often times i fear that we take that for granted and only in big moments throughout history people take notice of that loyalty. Some though, those who are better than i, recognize it on a daily basis. Those who serve our country and the selfless act that they commit in my behalf and those of my family. To them i want to say thank you. Your bravery and sacrifice (along with those of your families) cannot be equaled in gratitude with words. I only hope that i can recognize daily the liberties that you give to me.

I wonder if Karl Marx or even farther back to Alexander, Attila, or even Plato and his republic; could ever have forseen a nation like that of ours. I am sure that more brilliant minds then myself could tell you the flaws in our government system or why another form would be better. I disagree though, I love this nation for what it is. A melting pot of many lands, ideas, religions, and histories. However, like Kierkegaard said.... Passion unites mankind. We are united by passion. No other country in the world could claim such magnificent thing and because of it we are truely blessed. Blessed to pursue those passions!

As i watched Obama's infomercial and heard the stories of families across this nation my heart was broken. Broken that so many wonderful people in this nation are suffering. Suffering in the land of freedom and liberty. ironic, and tragic. I hope that this crisis defines our generation. I hope that my grandchildren can look back to my era and say THAT is where things turned around and how lucky we are that they did. I want to be apart of the solution. The relief of that suffering that is pillaging my fellow brethern. I hope that we all can do our part and maybe change the world in doing so.

May God bless the sunkissed shores of west coast, the snowcapped mountains of the rockies, the golden prairies of the midwest, the vast emerald forests of the northeast, and the brilliant RED WHITE AND BLUE of our great capital. I am american and the history that such a title carries is as good as nobility. may the lord watch and protect our great land, its leaders, and those who are fighting for it!

Jaws of Love

It's late, it's dark again. I should be in bed because im supposed to play basketball tomorrow at 8 am but instead im lying awake in bed with the lyrics of one of my favorite songs blaring in my headphones. I suppose it is their fault i feel inclined to write, though i don't have any real direction for this to go.

Swallow, Swallow, Swallow, that lump won't go away. One last attempt but its good and stuck. I feel watered down but no matter how hard i try to wet my cracked lips ,my tongue's dry exterior can't accomplish its small task. I guess all the fluid in my body is devoted to this tear. One solitary tear hangs from the corner of my eye like the mark of a killer. Perhaps it's just as symbolic. Perhaps the meaning is more. The rage, the regret, the anger, the mistake. It doesn't matter though. It never does. And so while i watch her mouth move, the apologies, the accusations, the confusion.....my mind wanders, and i don't give a shit anymore. My fingernail seems to be jagged so i pick at it in frustration. The awkward enviroment is a breeding ground for such useless tasks. The nail won't budge, so a quick bite and its gone. My hair feels tangled so i run my fingers through it. Her eyes are red from crying but my feet need fidgeting. Almost comfortable. Swallow, the lump is gone and the butterflies are swelling in my stomach. A whirlwind of tiny wingbeats, delicate, soft, beautiful. Oh God, this thought makes my stomach churn as i remember her voice and for a moment i think back. We are curled up on large blanket of grass, her head on my chest, my hair in my eyes, the sun is setting, our hands are clasped in a sweaty embrace. She looked up at me and blew the hair out of my face, her breath smelling a citrusy fragrence which tangled with her fruity shampoo. Our eyes met....and she whispered she loved me. That too, like small wingbeats of delicate, soft, beautiful butterflies struck me with such magnitude that i was sure nothing could be more perfect then her thin lips and bright blue eyes. I don't know what to do with my hands now that the nail is taken care of so i continue to gnaw on them. Working each nail down to a disgustingly short point. I wish she would just leave. The tear has long since fell and dried on my hoody. My face hiding the turrent of emotion screaming instead of me. Minutes pass, slowly she comes to realize the futility of it all. She rises in acceptance and turns toward the door. My hand wants to jump and grab hers, pulling her into a tight embrace, ended with a gentle kiss. My pride holds it tightly to my knee though. The door closes gently. The gasp breaches my vocal cords in the form of a moan. My face burries itself in my arms. My heart swells well the harsh reality, and shrinks with despair, shattering it like a cold window on a hot day. I choke, no longer a lump but a fireball of pain. I convulse slightly and then gain control. I turn to the mirror....acceptance......it's lines age my face. Time no longer holds the reigns to fate, Love holds each life in its jaws.

Don't thrash, it's teeth gash........

Soul

The light is out and i am engulfed in darkness. Only the warm glow of my laptop, the comfort of my bed, and old school Dashboard Confessional (they sold out, i don't care what anyone says) are around. It's hard to keep awake but i feel a desire to write for a moment before slumber.

I am a Buddhism class this semester in an effort to try and expand my knowledge of Eastern Philosophy, though i am partial to the continental train of thought. We have been going on for some class periods now about the non-existence of soul or even holding onto a concept of self. It attaches us to something. For Buddhists according to my readings and classes this is a violation of what one should try and accomplish. For them, there is no soul or permanence in this world. Every second is ending and beginning over and over. It's all about living in the moment. Romantic isn't it?

Well, this doesn't sit well with me. As the title of my blog suggest i am somewhat of a Cartegean. I believe that the only sure thing an individual has is that they exist. Maybe not physically but at least mentally. You are a contemplating, thinking, individual. You have memories, thoughts, hopes, dreams; one could easily say a sense of self, an identity. Why one would ever want to destroy such a marvelous and wonderful thing is beyond me. In fact, i don't know how one could ever deny it. They argue that you can regress into nothingness if you try to identify what you are. You could regress all the way down to being a billion atoms and electrons. You could probably take it even farther and think yourself into who knows what. You can never think yourself out of existence though. To even assume such a thing shows you are a thinking thing.

The soul, to me, gives one a stability and hope that is necessary for not only a happy existence but any degree of improving/learning. Aren't the happiest individuals the ones that "discover" who they are? They come to some sort of realization that only applies to them, enabling them to find independence amidst a galaxy of other objects. To be someone is the greatest potential a thing could ever have, discovering it is the luckiest thing one could gain, fulfilling it is the happiest event that repeats over and over one could ever hope to achieve. Learning from mistakes, expanding one's faculties, and improving ones self is the only possible good situation that can arise from a vast variety of negative outcomes. What a blessing to be who you are. You may not recognize it as a blessing but take a moment and think to yourself. You can only be sure that you exist....that means you are the best, the greatest, the only you. Everything and everyone else is just brushstrokes on the canvas of you. Don't let anyone take that from you, and by anyone i mean you.

I am Jason, No better, No worse. Everything else is shit.