Smoking

I really want to to smoke..... I'm not entirely sure why but lately I have had an overwhelming desire to buy a pack of cigs and let loose. I realize that it's a slippery slope from there so I doubt I'd have the guts to play with someone that is addictive. Still though. I want to. maybe it's the smell of second hand smoke lingering like a warm embrace on the cold air. It hangs lazily for minutes before fading. Lung cancer certainly doesn't seem cool but the smell of a cig on a chilly autumn afternoon and the smell of coffee is enough to cause me to melt....

I find myself contemplating whether or not I am happy these days. I went to an acoustic concert Friday night and the people there really made me wish I could act differently than I do. I want tatoos. I want to pierce my bottom lip. I want to wear skinny jeans and old sweaters. I want my jet black hair to fall in my face. I want to sit in little cafe's with a cup of coffee reading existentialist philosophies....... I want to hook up with some girl with long scene kid hair. Skinny jeans and snake bytes piercings.

So what stops us from doing what would make us happy? Society, Religion, Family, Peers.......Guilt?

Sigh.