I really want to to smoke..... I'm not entirely sure why but lately I have had an overwhelming desire to buy a pack of cigs and let loose. I realize that it's a slippery slope from there so I doubt I'd have the guts to play with someone that is addictive. Still though. I want to. maybe it's the smell of second hand smoke lingering like a warm embrace on the cold air. It hangs lazily for minutes before fading. Lung cancer certainly doesn't seem cool but the smell of a cig on a chilly autumn afternoon and the smell of coffee is enough to cause me to melt....
I find myself contemplating whether or not I am happy these days. I went to an acoustic concert Friday night and the people there really made me wish I could act differently than I do. I want tatoos. I want to pierce my bottom lip. I want to wear skinny jeans and old sweaters. I want my jet black hair to fall in my face. I want to sit in little cafe's with a cup of coffee reading existentialist philosophies....... I want to hook up with some girl with long scene kid hair. Skinny jeans and snake bytes piercings.
So what stops us from doing what would make us happy? Society, Religion, Family, Peers.......Guilt?
Sigh.
About Me
- Jason
- "My meaning simply is, that whatever I have tried to do in life, I have tried with all my heart to do well; that whatever I have devoted myself to, I have devoted myself to completely; that in great aims and in small, I have always been thoroughly in earnest." -David Copperfield by Charles Dickens "Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show."- David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
3 comments:
For me it's usually guilt, which can be caused by anything. Comments family or peers have made about my personality and my own self perception are usually the top of the causes. Followed by my health and weight. And so on.
From my experience everything comes down to choices. And no matter what choices we make there are consequences. When people make choices they rationalize making that choice in their head (and often times to others), no matter if the consequences are positive or negative. Positive consequence choices are usually just easier to rationalize and for people to accept.
I am curious to know if the people around you at the concert were saying/doing things that triggered you wishing you acted differently from pressure, or if it was more you just found them appealing?
You know what, if you are going to do anything rebellious at least stay away from cigs and tattoos. Reasons: cigs make you cough like hell, and it tastes terrible. The black lung blows. Tattoos hurt, and it is a pain to get rid of afterwards. Start small, and work from there. If it goes bad then it is easy to fix. Stay strong, stay loved, stay awesome!
you don't want yellow teeth/fingernails and lung cancer. just stick with the unfiltered secondhand smoke in small doses.
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