Dream on

I scan the room and fall lazily back into that big black leather chair. It's that one that is big enough to fit two but is just perfect for cuddling deeply into by yourself. I'm not going to lie, I was happy at that moment, this moment.. My family surrounds me and even though i know that its not perfect, i am happy to be here with them. It doesn't come as often now that we are all together, even today we were missing some but i felt love....genuine, non discriminating love. I feel like they bring out the good in me. I wish i deserved that kind of love and respect but i don't. Lately im messing up, im just lucky i have support. That is w hat im grateful for. My net of support in my life. Family, Friends, even God. I am blessed, truely blessed.

The shoreline of my mind is never quite as beautiful when you aren't running around on the white sand. The moonlight reflecting off the cool water. The sound of gulls and singing waves serenading my heavy thoughts. Even my mind was better with you around. Moist warm air and swirling scents are enough to lull anyone into a quiet peace of mind. The summer in Utah could never compete with this weather. A lifetime of memories with another could never compete with the flutter of emotion that comes when you stand close. So this is what it's come down to. Lying in the dark with my mind running wild. With you far away in emotions and miles. Im not going to beat around the bush, it hurts so fkin much. At least a lie is almost as good as the real thing.

So i dream on.