Sometimes when i let my mind wander more than i should, i contemplate my own existence. Often times i reassure myself that i exist, there are times though that i take the darker road. I am afriad of alot of things, heights, the dark, failure, etc; there is something that also worries me, that i don't exist. Now i don't mean i don't exist exist, obviously i exist now, i worry that i am not permanent though. That my life will hold significance or weight in the world. I worry that i am only apart of another's imagination or dream and that if they wake up i will cease being. Sometimes i even convince myself that death is somehow related to this. A person dies but maybe its only that God or some being like a God stops contemplating that person.....that eventually as it slips out of memory so does the person.
It's a silly fear isn't it.... but yet it worries me when i let the idea run freely. I want to matter at least to something or someone. My lips, my heart, my mind, they scream "i exist! I am here! Don't let me slip away!" I want to etch my name in the limestone of eternity with my fingernails.
To be afraid of the dark is to be human, i can live with human....to be nothing scares me beyond words.
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