Shiiiiiiiit.
Sometimes I forget that the vision of myself I have in my head isn't nearly as realistic as the image in the mirror is. I swear to God that if I don't continuely remind myself that I'm really not as badass as my ego tells me I am, I could end up being one of those people..... You know, they are the ones that end up on American Idol's first episodes. Not the good ones, the ones who think they sound like Bing Crosby or Christina Aguilara and belt the music in a screechy tone that can only be appealing to bats or mythological creatures (here's lookin at you Hypogriffs).
Reality check.
I'm awesome, but I can't jump buildings in a single bound. Nor can I walk into Prison lunchroom and proceed to roundhouse kick the F*** out of every inmate in the joint. My romances aren't identical to Romeo's ( I can't woo a woman and have us both married/dead within a week, though I sure do feel thtey are that dramatic).
Side note: SUCK IT AMERICA, healthcare reform passed. Consider all your freedoms bitch slapped with a side of Federal regulation. I hope somewhere, that Sarah Palin has morphed into a she-wolf and is running the Alaskan country side hunting fresh moose meat. Good Hell she's annoying.
Where was I? Oh right, I can't despite my wildest imaginations nail Kate Beckinsale and Jennifer Aniston in the same night (beleive me, I've tried. Even in my dreams they tell me to get lost). Hell, I can't even find Carmen San Diego? (I always thought Venice was in Europe, who the hell knew she'd be hiding in the Utah one? What? You didn't know there was a Venice, Utah? Sucka! Look it up). Who do you think is the better hide and seek player? Osama Bin Laden or Waldo?
Sometimes I forget that the vision of myself I have in my head isn't nearly as realistic as the image in the mirror is. I swear to God that if I don't continuely remind myself that I'm really not as badass as my ego tells me I am, I could end up being one of those people..... You know, they are the ones that end up on American Idol's first episodes. Not the good ones, the ones who think they sound like Bing Crosby or Christina Aguilara and belt the music in a screechy tone that can only be appealing to bats or mythological creatures (here's lookin at you Hypogriffs).
Reality check.
I'm awesome, but I can't jump buildings in a single bound. Nor can I walk into Prison lunchroom and proceed to roundhouse kick the F*** out of every inmate in the joint. My romances aren't identical to Romeo's ( I can't woo a woman and have us both married/dead within a week, though I sure do feel thtey are that dramatic).
Side note: SUCK IT AMERICA, healthcare reform passed. Consider all your freedoms bitch slapped with a side of Federal regulation. I hope somewhere, that Sarah Palin has morphed into a she-wolf and is running the Alaskan country side hunting fresh moose meat. Good Hell she's annoying.
Where was I? Oh right, I can't despite my wildest imaginations nail Kate Beckinsale and Jennifer Aniston in the same night (beleive me, I've tried. Even in my dreams they tell me to get lost). Hell, I can't even find Carmen San Diego? (I always thought Venice was in Europe, who the hell knew she'd be hiding in the Utah one? What? You didn't know there was a Venice, Utah? Sucka! Look it up). Who do you think is the better hide and seek player? Osama Bin Laden or Waldo?
Seriously, Where the Hell is Osama? Think about it. We can split the Atom but we can't find the jackass who was in charge of flying airplanes into the Trade Centers? Someone needs to kick his ass and soon. 
I can't even lick my elbow. I've tried multiple times, especially, after recieving those retarded surveys and chain letters that mention it. I'd love to find the guy that can though. I'm sure when he goes to sleep at night he feels vindicated with the fact that he can freakin do it (I suppose it could be a woman, I'd like to think that she would be too classy to ever know if she could or not though).
In conclusion, I haven't even caught every Pokemon, Ash wins.
Reality Check. I'm still freakin amazing, so deal with it.
P.S. Kiss my ass Bob Saget. You know why
I can't even lick my elbow. I've tried multiple times, especially, after recieving those retarded surveys and chain letters that mention it. I'd love to find the guy that can though. I'm sure when he goes to sleep at night he feels vindicated with the fact that he can freakin do it (I suppose it could be a woman, I'd like to think that she would be too classy to ever know if she could or not though).
In conclusion, I haven't even caught every Pokemon, Ash wins.
Reality Check. I'm still freakin amazing, so deal with it.
P.S. Kiss my ass Bob Saget. You know why
3 comments:
Osama is the better hider than Waldo. Waldo has books and you can google them online to find him, too easy. Osama is a tricky little fk.
I think you are a bad ass.
You have got to be one of the funniest people I know. Such a punchy sense of humor. And, I think you are kick ass, thought so since we were wee ones in 1st grade.
I have the problem when I watch too much female-hero-centric tv shows that I start to think in terms of the fight stunts they pull. When actually I get flattened by scrawny punks like Joe. You know what's something kick ass about you? Your impressively manly ability to grow facial hair. ;) I'd let you nail me anytime, I could role-play Underworld or something.
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